No Whine Left Behind
"No Whine Left Behind" is the podcast that serves up a blend of real talk while sipping cocktails. Join your hosts Celia and Alex as we dive into life’s ups and downs, share wild stories we’ve read, and chat about the everyday family drama we all know too well.
No Whine Left Behind
S3 E10 Prioritizing You: Insights from Julee Balko’s The Me List
Dive into finding that balance between your own ambitions and family life with this Halloween episode of No Wine Left Behind. We're excited to have freelance writer and author Julee Balko joining us. Julee’s story is all about the journey from being a busy mom of three to championing self-care. Her latest book, The Me List, was born from her "aha" moment about prioritizing herself—even when life gets chaotic with kids.
Julee shares how her experiences shape the female characters and complex family dynamics in her work, including a new project with a neurodivergent character inspired by her daughter. We talk about how literature connects us, sparks growth, and lets us dive into real-life challenges. Julee opens up about how her kids’ reactions to her work deepen her view of motherhood, plus how reader feedback has inspired her to try new things herself.
Together, we’ll talk boundaries, self-care, and the ways Julee's “me list” can help you find empowerment and balance, especially for families navigating dysfunction or addiction.
Julee's Instagram
Julee's Website
Follow us on Instagram NoWhineLeftBehind
Welcome to the no Wine Left Behind podcast, where we truly leave no wine behind. I'm Alex.
Speaker 2:And I'm Celia. We are here in the studio together, sharing ups and downs, frustrations and funny moments of our daily adventures. So grab your favorite glass.
Speaker 1:Join us as we raise our voices. Together, we'll dive into the drama of life as we see it. All right, welcome A special Thursday recording edition. Typically we release on a Thursday, but we had to make some fun things work because we have a very, very, very special guest, super excited. Today's guest is Julie Balgo, a freelance writer, author, mom of three awesome girls. Julie's all about bringing in the real and messy characters to life, digging into the ups and downs of relationships. In her debut novel, the Things we Keep, tackled Grief and Family Secrets and some serious dysfunction which I can deeply relate to. Oh yeah, now her latest book, the Me List, is packed with humor, heart. It captured a really relatable, unlikely friendship to me between two neighbors and definitely a lot of laughs throughout the book. So, julie, welcome to no One Left Behind. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited to be here. And on Halloween, yes, halloween episode.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's really really exciting to have you on, and I just have to know where did the idea of the me list come from?
Speaker 3:Well, as you said, I'm a mom of three kids, so I have a lot of lists in my life, like I run the world. You know, we got dinner list, we got weekend list, homework list and I realized I don't have a list for myself, Like even the grocery list. I don't put anything on it for me.
Speaker 3:It's sad and I thought why don't I have like a list that worries about maybe my self growth or something I want to do? And that's where the idea for the me list came from, Because I think a lot of moms don't put themselves at the top of their list.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, absolutely, I can relate to that. Yeah, I was just going to say, actually, in the very last episode that we recorded, Celia had said something and like what exactly it was. It fades me, but it was very much like I didn't do something for myself or I did something just for the kids, and I knew in the back of my mind we were going to have you on this week and I thought it's just meant to be. I knew in the back of my mind we were going to have you on this week and I thought just meant to be. We all need a me list. Yes, yes, yeah, oh my gosh, I love it. So why I'm delving into it a little bit more? Do you think every woman should have a me list?
Speaker 3:Well, you know, I really love like self-improvement, I love change. I've always just been enamored by that, even as a kid. I would like put up inspiration, like inspirational quotes, and there's only one you right, and you can improve yourself, and for some reason I think that's really cool. So I've always had like kind of the self-growth kind of mindset, which is funny. Then I had kids and well, that just like went out the window.
Speaker 3:I was like I was just like surviving and you know, I'm a freelance writer by the day and my kids would work from home with me. So it was kind of a lot of chaos. And then they started to go to school and I was like, oh, hey, you, I remember you, like you're this person I know, and I almost meet myself again and be like what do you want? You used to play tennis. Oh, that's fun, maybe you should play tennis again. And I just started doing activities for myself and I think it's so important because it's so easy to lose yourself, job or just life, and we have to be reminded, really, of ourselves really of ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's so, so hard, and I resonated a lot with your character, olivia, even down to her sweatpants. That is me, I am Olivia, so it was just very wild to kind of go through her journey with her. But you mentioned, on a macro level, you know the kids and having three girls. So how do you find their perspectives influence how you write female characters, or do you tend to keep those worlds separate?
Speaker 3:No, I think. Actually my first book, the Things we Keep the major theme was love doesn't have to be perfect to still be love, because all I could think about is one day I will be gone, which is sad. And if they read this book, I want them to know like I tried, my hardest girls, like I tried and it wasn't perfect, because we weren't man, it was still love and I love them. So I think in all my themes I'm very aware that I'm raising three very strong world girls. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And the things we keep. I also made her a scientist because all my girls love STEM and I wanted to give put a job of a woman that they wanted. So, they definitely influenced my writing, and even in my next book, which is now yet, I have a neurodivergent character because one of my daughters is on the spectrum and she has the most brilliant brain and I wanted a book that celebrated that and also celebrated the motherhood. That's a little bit different than parenting a child with a really cool brain.
Speaker 1:That's so exciting. So take us on this journey. How do you write a book Like? How do you write a book?
Speaker 2:Yeah, write a book. Like, how do you write a book? Yeah, I need to know, julie, because I want to write a book. I've written one page years and years ago and that's as far as I got, because I'm not a writer. But I, my goal, dream, whatever you want to call it is to write a book. It's going to be based on my family and growing up in my culture and it is a wild story like something you've never, probably heard ever, but I'm already hooked. So I'm not a writer, I'm not a writer, so I'm like I need a ghostwriter, I need, I need someone to help give me that push to get these words on that paper.
Speaker 3:So I would say just write and don't think about it. Like I always say, I write from the heart. It comes out fast, it's ugly yeah, I have to go back and edit. But it's like, don't overthink it. Like you know what your family is and you know the story that's in your heart. Just let that come out and see where it goes. Okay, You've already written a page. Yeah, that's how it starts. You know, like I know I always wanted to be an author, but I never thought I'd write like many books. And now I'm on my fourth book.
Speaker 2:And it's like well, how did you get here? Like right, yeah, I just want to accomplish one book. I'll be happy with the one book.
Speaker 3:I think you're a little addicting. If anything comes after that, hey great, but if I just do the one, I'll be happy. I think I made everybody cry with my first book, so I was like maybe I should make them laugh, I'll alter emotions, maybe I can make them mad at some point. I don't know oh boy.
Speaker 2:I think I think my book would make people cry laugh. Uh, I don't know, it would be a roller coaster of emotions. I think my book would make people cry laugh. I don't know, it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, I think.
Speaker 3:For sure I mean any writer will tell you, as long as it comes from you, that's all that matters.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, cool, you can do this Awesome Thank you.
Speaker 3:If it makes you feel better. I wrote my first book during nap time, so you can carve out. I wrote my first book during nap time, so you can carve out. I wrote my second book my child plays. She does fencing, which is like the sport for people, and I wrote my second book during fencing twice a week, so you can make time, your time. However, after writing the me list, I was like I need me time to write books. I wrote my third book with actual time and it's so much.
Speaker 2:So how long will nap time? How long did that book take you to write?
Speaker 3:That took a really long time. So it took six years and you know I had three kids two that were turned out to be twins, and that's just like not recommended for most people that were turned out to be twins, and that's just like not recommended for most people. It was a lot. So it was also when I missed my mother the most because suddenly I had two babies and my mom passed away with my first child and my grief was really heavy and nobody else in my like play group was like, oh, they all had parents and I had a very different experience and I thought I'd either spend like a lot of money on therapy or I could write a book and use grief as kind of a theme, because I feel like people don't talk about it.
Speaker 1:And so many people go through it, right, yeah, I totally agree.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, that must be I feel like we can relate on a lot of different levels. The three of us, because we both lost you know parents and we both raised girls. I have three girls. She has two girls.
Speaker 1:I want to write a book.
Speaker 2:You've written multiple books.
Speaker 3:I feel like you know Meant to be yes absolutely yeah for sure, oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:So book writing is so exciting and I'm secretly hoping Olivia gets a book number two. But I completely understand. If you know that's been put to rest, I get it. She was a great character. What do you think, or who do you think, your dream cast would be for these two neighbors if your book were to be a movie.
Speaker 3:It's a good question. I'm terrible with movies because so my kids are 12, our twins that are 12 and a 15 year old, so I watch what they watch. We're like really into Heartstoppers, like that's where we are right now. I don't know who it would be, though, would I actually do think it would be great a great tv show or movie, because, um, the two women characters are so dynamic and sometimes funny and sometimes sad, and they go through so much and I think people identify with either being.
Speaker 3:Some people are in olivia. Yeah, some people are britricia and there's people, um, so I don't know. I guess I'll put the question back to you, because you're probably more versed.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, so tricky. Who would olivia be? I would imagine olivia is maybe, um, I feel like an anna kendrick could be a good Olivia.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love Anna Kendrick. Yes, I love her.
Speaker 1:Yes, patricia, ooh, patricia has sass. She would have to be someone that could really pull off that edgy. Oh, I'm not sure who Patricia could be. Yeah, just a little, have to think about this yeah yeah that's a.
Speaker 3:That's a big character to be you know, I think it's a creative direction. I'm just like, and then the dog would be adorable to cast. Uh, oh my god marvin.
Speaker 1:His name is marvin. There was a dog. You had me, like I just. I thought that was such a sweet addition also. So, in terms of your main characters, you do have the Marvins of the books. What other non-main characters really stick out to you, and where did those kind of ideas for those characters come from?
Speaker 3:In the me list especially, I always think about my side characters and either representation or just interesting characters that I could put in. And she has a friend named Daya and Daya means light and I've had a few readers ask me like why Daya and I've had a few friends and I wanted to represent them and have this beautiful moment of friendship. That was easier and more fun and that's where that came from. And then the dog my kids and I have fostered lots of animals and it's a lot of fun and I thought how wonderful. Let me put it in the book Okay, I love it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, in addition to fostering dogs, I think I might have heard that you also have an axolotl.
Speaker 3:I do have an axolotl that is so crazy.
Speaker 1:I have only seen them on TikTok I don't know what that is.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, they're so cute. It's a salamander that stays in the space. They have feet and legs. Okay, if his tank was a little cleaner, I'd show you.
Speaker 3:I want to judge me. So when we moved here it was kind of a traumatic move. We moved from North Carolina to Washington and my kids were like we need another pet, which they always say. And they had this idea for the axolotl and of course I said no. And then they came with a 30-page PowerPoint of why axolotls are really easy and they powerpoint of why axolotls are really easy and they sold me. I got a.
Speaker 1:you know, they really sold me on it and he is so easy and I love him and that was gonna be my follow-up question is for me it was about the water.
Speaker 3:I don't know why that stressed me out, but he uses tap water and they normally live in like muddy, like streams or ponds that is so funky.
Speaker 1:I don't know anyone that's ever had one. I only see them on TikTok. When I heard that, I thought that is so unique and so cool.
Speaker 3:Yes, our cats like to watch them.
Speaker 2:That's fun. Is PowerPointing the new way to get parents to do what kids want? Because I had a similar experience. We've been back and forth about moving to South Carolina Surfside Beach, and we vacation there every year. We absolutely love it and my kids created a PowerPoint telling me why we should move to South Carolina and it was it was. They made a lot of good points. They brought up the school system, everything they did their due diligence.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it was wild. So I'm like, and then you just said your kids made a PowerPoint to get this pet.
Speaker 1:So I'm like, wait, is this what kids do now?
Speaker 2:Convince their parents to like do what they want. I mean not for nothing. At least they're putting in the effort to make the powerpoint. It goes to show you. It's something they really, really desire.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think they do them in school and they think they're like cool and fun. I personally don't have the same feelings about powerpoint, but yeah yeah, they're not my favorite thing.
Speaker 1:I know they could be so complicated, but mine are so basic. Oh it's hard, yeah, yeah, I definitely get a little bit overwhelmed just thinking of all the things I can do with it, and then I don't end up doing anything. Julie, do your kids ever read the books that you write?
Speaker 3:so for the first book, because it was really serious, I read them, parts um. And for the second book, my daughter actually listened to the audio book, which I only listened to like the first chapter and then the last chapter, because it's really just weird to hear your own writing like I don't know. It weirded me out. But I happened to walk in on while she was listening to the last chapter and I just kind of like was spying on her because I'm cool like that and I was really fun to watch her like just come to the moment. And then she saw me and we like hugged and talked about it, so that was pretty cool.
Speaker 2:I read it because we're different types of readers?
Speaker 3:Yeah, because we're different types of readers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3:And then my next book, I don't know. There's a few spicy scenes, so a whole other like can of therapy for them. So but I did talk to them a lot about it. So I actually interviewed all three of them to try to get the daughter's brain kind of right, Cause they all have amazing brains that sees kind of the world very differently. So that was really cool and they were very open about things that were maybe tough for them or how they explain stuff differently. So I feel like I was able to capture that really well. So I'll probably read them parts of that character.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so cool. You have three in-home use cases. That's amazing and I love it too. Like what a unique way to bond with your mom or you with your daughter. Oh, you have three in-home use cases. That's amazing and I love it too. Like what a unique way to bond with your mom or you with your daughters is over a book and or multiple books at this point, and knowing that they're a part of it and you're making them a part of it. That's just such a sweet experience. I just love this so much.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they're very supportive and they actually they'll know when I'm like out and about and sometimes I get out my notes on my phone because I'm like seeing somebody that I'm like I want to write that down and I'm like, oh, mom's writing down something, it's going to be great. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Aside from your children. Who else do you pull kind of advice from or ideas from, from your inner circle or even, you know, extending beyond into your community?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm very lucky in that I have some author friends, and that's kind of what happens in this journey. Like you start off and you're just like, wow, this is how do you write a book. Right, you start to research and you meet other authors and I'm really lucky in that they've been supportive, because it isn't an easy process. The writing is super fun, but then you have to query and try to get a publisher or try to get an agent, which that's what I'm doing right now and that part is soul destroying, I can imagine. So you have to stay pretty confident and excited and you really just need other people to help you to be like it sucks. Keep going like you can do it. So I'm lucky that I have a few amazing author friends.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Yeah, I feel like this journey for you has been very organic, so it's so cool to hear the growth, even though we're coming into this you know book three it's really exciting to hear all that you go through in writing a book. This is so cool.
Speaker 3:Lots of reader stuff is really fun, like when I've had, especially with the me list. There's actually a part in the back where you can write your own me list, so I've had readers write me and tell me what's on their me list and sometimes they've sent me videos and I'm like crying because people have made like huge life changes. Wow, people have just decided to try yoga, which good for them. I have pants but I don't do yoga back, and it's really cool to think that a book that makes people laugh and whatever also gets them to like make a change or, you know, go through a divorce or like tough transitions, and yet inspired by this book.
Speaker 1:So that's pretty cool has anyone else's me list influenced in addition to your me list?
Speaker 3:huh, let me think about that well, I mean yes, because so many of the people that wrote me were doing like amazing exercising things. When my daughter actually asked me to start running this summer and I hate running like yeah, you got bears here and I don't think, I think I would just be like you got me. Like, let me just say, because I've been so inspired by so many people that have tried new activities, I was like, let's do it couch to 5k. I've got stickers and um I hate it.
Speaker 3:She doesn't, okay, I hate. I still hate it. We went this week, but she loved it and how cool is that? And I don't think I would have been as like let's do it, let's do something different, and like it'll be great. Um, so yeah, thank you readers. I'm now running. I'm not tired enough.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, celia, if you had to create a me list, what is something or some things that would be on your me list?
Speaker 2:More, golf, more travel, write the books, more massages. Writing a book, writing the book.
Speaker 3:While getting massages. Writing a book, writing the book while getting massages.
Speaker 2:Exactly I. I I had a most of my life. I was a young mom and my focus was always my children and everything. They came first, no matter what it was, it was always them. I was always in the backseat. As I got older, my kids got older, I started to do exactly what you're talking about make time for me and I started to do things and venture outside my comfort zone and face things that I've been avoiding for many years and deal with. You know, dysfunctional family stuff and so on and so forth. I took up golfing, which you know I never thought I'd be a golfer, but now I absolutely love it. I wish I could do it every day. So hence, moving to South Carolina, I was going to say I think we have to do that All coming together to South Carolina, all coming together.
Speaker 2:But I spent a few years. I still kind of put myself in the rear view more than I should. But I do make some time for myself now. But now I have my grandson. So right when I was ready to like say you know what, celia, you come first, you're doing your thing 's it my baby came along, my grandson, who is like my everything. So now I put myself in the back seat again and he comes first. I still make a little time for myself, but I knew I need to go back to that me list and add a few more things and actually like follow through and do it.
Speaker 3:I know it's important. Yeah, you should tell your daughter when you're watching your grandson, like that's the time she should be focusing on herself, because nobody told me that.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know, got exhausted, but like, how empowering to be like hey, take some time for you, like yeah, that's it, and I I take them every chance I get because you know he's a handful sometimes and I want her to have that break. So you know I forfeit my break so she can have her break.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like it all works out in the long run and she does take breaks. Whenever I hear that Celia's babysitting, I'll call her, I'll text her and I'm like, hey, what are you doing? And she's like nothing, I'm doing nothing. Do not tempt me to do anything because I'm doing nothing. I'm cleaning. I'm resting and.
Speaker 2:I'm like oh, okay. I love that for you? Yeah, but yeah, I definitely feel like you know. People need to take more time for themselves and dedicate more me time.
Speaker 3:that's what I call me time it is, and you know, I think our generation, like we, do so much more, yeah, like there's no breaks, um, unless we take them. And I start to think about what am I teaching my kids? My kids, like this balance, which is so not balanced, is good because it's not taking time, and I'll actually make a big deal of it. Be like I'm going to take like an hour. You guys are going to go here, it's out there because I'm going to work on my book and do this, and it's time, and like I want them to know like that's good, like right. So you need to take time for yourself and do what you want to do.
Speaker 2:You. No, it's important, I agree with that, for sure, for sure. Especially when you get older, life gets busier, more things are happening and you, just you need to have that balance, and it's hard sometimes.
Speaker 1:And all of these, things are just happening so quickly.
Speaker 3:So yeah, just the thought of this book immediately I was like what a great idea.
Speaker 1:And then, after reading it, I was like so moved, like such a great should.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was amazing so great and even the?
Speaker 1:um, aside from the relationship of olivia and patricia, was the relationship of olivia and her mom um and her feelings of abandonment and all of the complications and emotions that came with that also resonated very deeply with me. Um. So, yeah, I felt like this was a very I don't know if intricate or complex book. Uh, yeah, it was the right term, but there was just so much to it, um, and I just thought this is yeah, it was just great, yeah yeah, great job julie I think mother characters are always tough and I've had two books in a row with tough mother characters not intentional.
Speaker 3:But addiction is another thing a lot of people don't talk about. So I guess in any single one of my books I try to put like the topics that I feel like need to come to light but people don't talk enough about.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, 100%, and I feel like you wrote it with with such care. Also, no-transcript book were were very special to me.
Speaker 3:That makes me happy, because I do think one of the other things that people don't do often is it's really hard to know when when boundaries are the right choice. Yeah, boundaries and saying no on a relationship is self care. Yes, so that was. Another thing I wanted to list was something she couldn't cross off in the way she thought she could but that was the right choice for her.
Speaker 2:Absolutely toxic family members are everywhere hey, they're a doozy, that's for sure. Talk about dysfunction junction you'll find a little dysfunction in all my books but again, these are things that her and I have dealt with in our family. And yeah, so it's, you know, very relatable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, such a great way to kind of intertwine all of the themes of the book and what you were trying to convey. It was just, it was so good, yeah, perfect ending, perfect All the things. And, like I said earlier, I loved it and I wanted more of Olivia and I'm like, well, what is she gonna do now and what comes next? And Like, okay, fine, let's say we don't get a second book, like, where is Olivia today?
Speaker 2:Julie, what is?
Speaker 1:she doing?
Speaker 3:I hope she's doing really well and she's a realtor, so she's making her own money, Right. Okay, I hope she's still visiting Patricia. I thought that was pretty cool. I don't want to get many spoilers away, but I think she's a lot more secure with herself because I think that was the transition it was seeing herself remembering who she was, but also figuring out who she wanted to be. So I think she's doing pretty great. I don't know if she's still going to book club. It's okay. It's a hard new boundary and that's okay. A real boundary, and that's okay. And I I loved writing the book club scene. My um town book club chose my book, so I had to be like I wrote this years ago before I met any of you.
Speaker 2:Don't worry, I have a question for you when you go to book club.
Speaker 3:do you actually read the book or do you sit and drink wine and talk about reading the book? I definitely drink wine. I get nicer, you know. I get more interesting. No, sometimes every book club's different. Usually I come with questions in case there's like that awkward like oh, I thought you were going to have questions, and usually they ask lots of questions and it just happens normally where someone might say, oh, I have a me list, and then I'm like, ooh, let's, let's hear this. So I've had that, where people just start off by sharing their me list. Sometimes they ask me to read a part in the book which you know I try to pretend they're like my kids and I read to them, otherwise I get nervous.
Speaker 3:Wine helps, so that's good.
Speaker 3:It usually is just a great, great discussion and, um, so many of them do share their me list and they're nice. I can't tell you how many times I've left a book club crying because of something on their me list. Um, I had the most fabulous one, where someone shared like a secret that she hadn't told anybody. Like it was a friend book club, they were like friends for like 30 years and she had been secretly taking a hip-hop class. Oh wow, because this woman was like the most precious, amazing woman, very shy and like she took a while, but everybody had shared these amazing personal me lists so she felt like she should share hers and I just was like I did not see it coming and I was so excited like she's 60 years old, taking hip-hop for the first time. She was tired of being shy and she read the book and that was like I think it's my favorite book. Wow, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:It was a good night. Very cool, very, very cool.
Speaker 1:I love it oh gosh, julie, it has been so fun speaking with you, getting to hear my first ever kind of like behind the scenes of a book. Yeah, speaking with the author of a book that I've read like this has been so exciting.
Speaker 3:Very cool. Yeah, Celia, reach out when you're at your next meeting.
Speaker 2:All right, perfect Thank you, I will take you up on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, please tell our listeners where they can find you, what you have coming up next, anything that you'd like to plug before we let you go? Good idea.
Speaker 3:So the me list and the things we keep are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noblecom. You can find me on every social because we have to be in. So to my kids, but check me out. And I also have a website, Julie J U L E E, embarrassing to my kids, but hey, check me out.
Speaker 1:And I also have a website, Julie J-U-L-E-E Valcocom. Love it, Julie. Thank you again. Happy Halloween, Enjoy it with the girls. Tell them we said hello. I feel like we kept this very PG so they can listen, they can watch this episode. We only have one minute in the rub, like twice.
Speaker 3:I think we're going to do it.
Speaker 1:Awesome, julie. Thank you again for joining us. Bye, bye.
Speaker 2:Thank you for joining us on this wine-filled adventure. We would greatly appreciate your support. Please follow and rate our podcast on apple podcast, spotify or wherever you're tuning in right now.
Speaker 1:So raise a glass, leave no wine behind and let's continue this journey together. Cheers.
